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3 Ways To Find Your "Father Focus"
Dads, read carefully and implement quickly. Moms, forward email to Dads.
JOSH HOLLADAY
June 18, 2024 | Issue #31 | Read Online
Dear Readers,
Father's day came and went.
It was my 20 year mark as a Father this year.
Though, bitter sweet.
I choose the sweet.
Though, not at the expense of ignoring the bitter.
My wife, Sarah, my angel, my sweetheart, prepared some fun things as she always does. A "Dadenger Hunt," a few gifts, and some wonderful food...that being, chicken curry. (My favorite, having living in Japan for 2 years.)
T-W-E-N-T-Y years, though.
Wow. And I think to myself...
Have I done enough? Have I been a worthy father?
(Have I ruined my children forever.........)
Oh, those questions cut me to the quick...every time.
You see, I've got a lot of fathering to do.
I've got 7 children, 5 sons and 2 daughters.
It's kind of gotten serious at those numbers.
Can't even count on one hand.
Time flies. Kids grow. (Socks wear out fast.)
I often wonder, have I really been the Father I hoped to be?
My wife took a chance on me.
I'm sure she hoped I'd take care of my...our children.
The answer, though, is sadly...
...no...no I haven't lived up to how I wanted to truly father these precious 7 amazing angels.
I've worked too much chasing my own dreams when, my dreams were growing through the phases of life, from small to tall and everywhere in between.
But, chasing my dreams was really for the family, right?.
There are some other factors at play that can't be ignored, however.
Truly, though, I don't believe that parenthood was meant to occur when the parents achieved some elevated level of enlightenment. No. Imperfect people raise other imperfect people. It just so happens that humans are resilient and keep on improving and growing regardless of how the parents faltered on their parental responsibilities.
Now, I admit, I have lost much sleep thinking about the moments I could have shared and the closeness to my children I should have gained.
I can feel it, right in my gut.
The way your body responds to things that are related to time, and not getting it back.
But, I was honored as a Father on Father's day, nonetheless.
Why?
Because of one word, LOVE.
I'm loved.
We can only create success in all areas of our lives based on the current capacity we have to create that success.
Therefore, my capacity needs a little work.
But, regardless of my capacity and it's tattered fringes and limited expanse in this area...I still am kind and loving and to most could be called a "good dad."
I guess, somehow, I made the cut.
What about you?
Where are you in your Fatherhood (or Motherhood) journey?
And, is it too late to try to do better?
Well, I leave you to those two questions as I venture off somewhere beyond, to the 3 items I submit to you for your consideration and execution.
Read on, dear readers. Read on.
To your continued growth and bright future,
--Josh
1. Free Isn't Fighting
During my Fatherhood years I've earned a bachelor's degree, started businesses, learned many skills, moved the family many times, and built many products.
Along the way, opportunity has come knocking...by the droves.
And, one thing I've had to learn is this: every decision I make, effects my family.
So when I agree to a lower price, it effects the family coffers.
When I agree to work for free for equity, it effects the family expectation pool.
And, when I close a deal that will require evening work hours, the family is effected.
I'm not working for my client, for my boss, or for the public on social media.
Everything word I say, action I do, post I make, character I type on my keyboard...all of this has to be in an effort to "Fight For My Family."
Because, there is a trust-bond...
(...when I wrote that "trust-bond" phrased I pictured Harry and Voldemort locked in that wand/magic arc. Do you remember that scene?)
It's like there's a powerful bond between father and family.
It's an expectation that, if Dad is gone, he's spending his time wisely and maximizing every second to produce something great.
Or else, it's all wasted time and the family isn't #1 anymore.
Key Take Away: Fight for your family. Never lose sight of your relationship there...that you are on a team and you're going out to battle for them to bring the victory home. Focus on family when you go to make "the money."
2. Time Bender
A Father is everything to the child.
They are not only tall and strong and brave.
They represent a powerful source of connection, identity, and approval.
You bend time for them when you spend time with them.
Here's how it works.
A minute in the Fatherhood Realm (work, emails, Zoom calls, endless todos...) is like a day in the life of a child.
You spend 5 minutes of time with one of your children, listening, asking question sometimes, just sitting on the couch being available, they will deem that scene as a bright light in their day, their week, even their month and possibly their life.
Are you starting to see, just in that little example....?
Do you realize, in financial terms, how your time ROI, the time investment you spend in your children's lives compounds and explodes in its respective results?!
Time really doesn't exist because the measurement is completely off and doesn't represent the true outcome.
Key Take Away: Give away your 10 minutes and you'll give a whole lot more. Remember that your time isn't equal to children's time. Even a little time can do wonders to the father-child dynamics.
3. Manhood Is A Choice
My step-mother told me recently that...
...a boy becomes a man when they stop pointing fingers, take full responsibility for their life, and become a self sustaining individual.
Smart Mom.
Now, whether you agree, or disagree...hear me out.
Here's the deal.
Do you hear of "boys" who are in their 40s, playing video games, avoiding life advancements, squandering their potential and the time they have been given to maximize?
Do we call these people "true men."
Or, what about the "man" who goes to work each and every day, treats their wife and children with love and respect, shoulders the family responsibilities, and takes care of his, so called, plot of earth within this world he's currently called to look after?
It appears to me, that taking care of what you are stewards over is the best way to fulfill manhood, fatherhood, humanhood.
Don't you think?
So, choose to grab your lot in life by the jugular, pull it real close, nose to nose, and say straight into it's beady little eyes:
I've got 'cha where I want 'cha, and I'm gonna' live up to every single expectation you've got in me, so help me I will.
Because...
...you can.
Truly.
Key Take Away: You've got all you need to succeed in what ever plight you've either been put in or you've chosen. So, man up, woman up, whatever up...just choose to be 100% responsible and do your very best to create the greatest outcomes possible.
Try These 7 Steps
- Fix in your mind the exact thing you want and desire.
- Determine exactly what you will give to get this thing.
- Establish a date when you intend to posses or achieve this thing.
- Design a picture of your life AFTER you've already achieved this thing and define in detail the feelings that you will feel. The more detailed the feelings, the quicker you'll obtain it.
- Create a definite plan for obtaining this thing and begin at once to execute this plan, even before you feel ready.
- Hand writer or type out and print, a clear and concise statement of the thing you intend to acquire, name the time limit, state what you will give in return for this thing, write out your life after you've obtained it and all the feelings associated with that achievement, and describe the plan in detail that you will execute to obtain this thing.
- Read this written statement aloud every morning and every night. See and feel yourself already in possession of the thing that you desire.
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